Comical Coins

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The Truth about the King of American Coins

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1917

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*Warning, the following may contain fiction. Fiction is an addictive product*

 

The 1804 dollar is reverently regarded within the hobby as the "King of American Coins" or, by the more patriotic, as the "President of Coins". Generally, it is assumed by numismatists that this title refers to the rarity of the coin, and it's extremely high desirability (this is what is known as "supply and I want it" theory in action). However, this is a grievous error, and not one that can be attributed by NGC's "Variety Plus" or "Mint Error" tiers. While you recover from the shock of this realization of this lifelong falsity that you have foolishly believed, allow me to explain the real reason behind the regal title of the 1804 dollar.

 

Numerous years ago, back when calling someone meant yelling to the field for them, and a mouse was a creature, not a retro tool for operating a computer, the coins of America depicted allegorical images of Liberty, not just random people who apparently did stuff other people thought important (Thus goes the reasoning of the rather rebellious, modern coins). Anyhow, the coins of those long gone days prided themselves on being images of patriotism and freedom. But this soon led them to think they were rather important, and over time, royal. As a result, a plot was formed to overthrow the human government, and form their own monarchy. First though, before they could unleash futuristic weapons such as the nickle-clear missile and ma-cash-ine gun, a king was needed (actually, there was a rather interesting debate in whether it ought to be a king or emperor, but remembering what happened to Julius Denarius, the coins went with king). After drawing straws (with markers), the art experts proclaimed the 1804 dollar's to be the winner, and thus crowned was the "King of American Coins".

 

You may be wondering why we aren't ruled by Halfs-Burgs and Medicoins, but that is simply because the mint janitor accidentally stepped on the weapon's base of the regalistic coins, thus ending any chances of victory. But, knowing they could have won, and could still one day succeed, the coins sent a rather foreboding warning on the "V-Nickels"... Perhaps, one day, we may be ruled not simply by the vice of greed, but by the object of greed. Which, of course, is donuts.

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"a mouse was a creature, not a retro tool for operating a computer"

Hehe. "Retro." - Speak for yourself there. There are somethings you just can't easily do  with a touch pad or a touch screen. The software my company uses is essentially unusable without a multi-button mouse with a scroll wheel. On the other hand, my 4 year old seems genuinely confused by the fact that neither my laptop or my work laptop are touchscreens. So maybe you're right. lol 

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On 7/23/2020 at 3:28 PM, Revenant said:

"a mouse was a creature, not a retro tool for operating a computer"

Hehe. "Retro." - Speak for yourself there. There are somethings you just can't easily do  with a touch pad or a touch screen. The software my company uses is essentially unusable without a multi-button mouse with a scroll wheel. On the other hand, my 4 year old seems genuinely confused by the fact that neither my laptop or my work laptop are touchscreens. So maybe you're right. lol 

Maybe so (I have no idea what these mugs are jawing about) but where does that leave lifelong worshippers of the '04 dollar? And you are thereby nominating exactly what to assume the mantle, the throne, as it were, of Top Coin of the Realm?  

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