Revenant

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Time to move on then I think (from the job anyway).

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Revenant

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Well, we finally found out what the bonus situation would be at work… Yes. The thing that was supposed to be announced in January and then in February was finally made known to me in mid-March.

Granted, I preface this with the fact that my dream of buying a double eagle (short of winning the lottery, which I suppose is still a possibility) died a long time ago, as did my hopes of paying off my student loans next month. My wife having to leave work 10 weeks early and that loss of income made that all a no-go.

That said, they managed to exceed my worst expectations – no bonus and a minimal raise. I say minimal, any other time it might have been quite nice, but I’ve been taking on extra duties and I was due for a promotion to reflect that and they’re giving me none of it.

This, combined with the loss of income, combined with the medical bills, are going to make things quite tight here in the short term, so, my collecting budget is basically going to be zero for a while now. Yeah… That plan for 2019 that I posted a few months ago? It’s torched. I’ll have to look back on it in a few years and laugh about how wrong I was. I still look back on some of my entries from 2016, from right before I got laid off, with some similar amusement in some cases these days.

Having had a night to think about it, it’s far from the worst thing in the world (Note: This is distinctly not how I felt last night). It was a punch in the gut to be sure. It still feels like an insult. I can’t explain why fully, but I’m just not okay with this decision on their parts and it’s convinced me that I’ll be moving on as soon as I can find something. I’m planning to have a conversation with my boss about it, present some salary research and see if we can arrive at an understanding. But, even if they come up on the salary / raise, I don’t see myself staying. They’re sending signals that it’s time to leave while the getting’s good. That said, I’ve always been a careful and cautious person. I’ve always had liquid savings. I’ve never been the type of person that spends the grocery money on a hobby and makes myself eat ramen for a month. I think even now we’ll survive this well enough and I hopefully won’t have to sell anything I don’t want to sell. I’m almost afraid to say this because for the last 4 months it’s felt like everything that can go wrong does and life seriously has it out for me.

I can’t fully escape the feeling that, in some ways, this feels like being punished for having kids. It’s almost like life / society (if you’re an American) punishes you for the decision to have children. In addition to making significantly more than the average American I have fantastic health insurance. Even with that fantastic insurance, Samuel’s birth and care is going to cost us about $3,000. For people that aren’t lucky enough to have that kind of insurance, a normal or “normalish” birth can cost $5,000-8,000 out of pocket – good luck if you’re uninsured. When Ben was born 3 years ago the billing for Shandy and Ben topped out at over $70,000. I just can’t imagine dealing with that.

I always shake my head and laugh whenever I see these articles on LinkedIn and Facebook pondering the question of, “Millennials are waiting longer and longer to have kids and having fewer of them when they do! Why?” I think if you’ve had a kid in the last 10 or 15 years it’s no mystery. Having a kid today almost seems like electing to die penniless. Nevertheless – we need the kids. As a society, we need the kids. It’s written about on and on and on, but I feel like it’s becoming almost impossible raise one really. But, without them, you won’t have to worry about the future of this fine hobby, or much else really.

For my part. Benjamin saw fit to remind me last night just why they’re worth it.

I was crushed last night. I was bummed and stunned. I just couldn’t believe it in some ways, and I didn’t know what I was going to do about it. But my three-year-old wanted to spend the whole night sitting in my lap and had to give me extra kisses good night before bed. I have done something right with this kid in the last 3 years and he loves and adores me without a doubt. Ben will be 3 years old in exactly 2 weeks.

Samuel is 1 month old today. He is now over 4 pounds and has gained over an inch in height since birth. Overall, he’s doing quite well, and he’s been moved from NICU3 to NICU2. He’s breathing room air without any assistance now (as of about 3 days ago) and he’s fed entirely with breastmilk and not with IV fluids (this has been the case for over a week now if I remember right). Continued head ultrasounds are showing that his ventricles have been growing and they’re worried that he might need to have a reservoir or a shunt put in to relieve pressure on his brain. So far, he isn’t showing signs of needing that and they’re waiting it out. The main signs that intervention is needed is if he starts having problems breathing or heart arrhythmias.

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I have been very happy to watch Ben’s excitement over Sam. He always wants to go see him at the hospital (though, I think at least some of this is because it’s a Children’s hospital with lots of cool things, but I don’t know if I care if it gets him to stop dreading going to the doctor so much).

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For those of you who have made it this far and aren’t ready to throw something, you have my thanks for tolerating what has been, at least in part, a self-indulgent whine.

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I tried to read this yesterday, but kept getting an error on all the journals. 

 

Thank you for including how your perspective changed from one day to the next. That is important to remember. 

 

I am glad to hear the family is doing well.!

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First of all, I am glad to read that little Sam is improving. I hope Shandy is recovering quickly. also.

I'm sorry to hear about the way things went with the bonus and raise. I hope things work out in your favor.

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Very sorry to hear about your current finances.  It is truly a shame that something like Medicare for All is not available in this country.  Keep your chin up and maybe spend the time while unable to add significantly to your collection by increasing your knowledge so when you are able to return to buying, you will be an even better informed collector.  I hope all goes well with your Children, they truly are a blessing in our lives.

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Sounds to me like time at your job is not paying off. Like I tell my son and the other boys running around here:  " put in a few apps for a job elsewhere and see what comes up. Don't bark at the boss till you have a second place to go!! Your wife and Sam are depending on you to make a SMART/ not SELFISH decision!! :)

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First off, I'm so glad to hear that Sam and Shandy are both doing better health wise.  That's very good to hear.  That said though, I'm also very sorry to hear how things are going at your job.  It sounds like you have taken on more duties and responsibility, but your employer is not noticing it or that they are pretending not to notice in order to keep you performing those duties at little extra cost to them.  I've worked for several places like that, and it sucks.  I mean, why do we work?  There are many different reasons, but ultimately one of those reasons is to get paid and to get paid fairly for the work we do.  I think if you're seeing red flags at your employer, you should definitely act on that and start looking around for something else.  If nothing else comes of it immediately right now, you will at least know what's out there and what options may be available to you in order to make a move to a better place of employment.  I also think your plan to discuss things with your boss is a good one.  Maybe you guys can come to an understanding after all. 

I also understand what you're saying about having kids. I'm not meaning to get political but the United States can really be a terrible place to have any major medical thing happen at all if you don't have the right insurance.  I have a medication that I have to take every single day for the rest of my life.  If I didn't have insurance, this medication would cost me about $750 a month.  That's more than our rent for our apartment, which is the whole top floor of a good sized 1850's house.  In the past couple of years, both my stepmom and my fiancee's dad have fought cancer.  They are both cancer free now, that is the good thing, but the medical bills for both of them are absolutely hideous.  They're basically being punished for getting sick.  Don't get me wrong, there are many things about the US that are great, but there are also many areas where we need a lot of work, and healthcare is among the worst of those areas.  Because of the systems we have in place in the country, I'd say you could definitely make a case that you are being financially punished for having kids.  Once again, I'm glad I live in NY, because we have it a bit better with the health care situation than many other areas of the country, but we still need work here too.  But, at least, I feel like our state is trying to do something about it.  There are many which appear to be doing nothing about this pressing problem.  This is another reason that we're seriously considering emigrating to Canada if my fiancee and I can find work up there when we finish our degrees.

I'm really sorry that you're going through a rough patch, my friend.  I really am.  But it sounds like you have a good perspective about it, and the love and support of your family, which is the most important thing.  I hope that the rest of it improves quickly.

Edited by Mohawk

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1 hour ago, Mohawk said:

First off, I'm so glad to hear that Sam and Shandy are both doing better health wise.  That's very good to hear.  That said though, I'm also very sorry to hear how things are going at your job.  It sounds like you have taken on more duties and responsibility, but your employer is not noticing it or that they are pretending not to notice in order to keep you performing those duties at little extra cost to them.  I've worked for several places like that, and it sucks.  I mean, why do we work?  There are many different reasons, but ultimately one of those reasons is to get paid and to get paid fairly for the work we do.  I think if you're seeing red flags at your employer, you should definitely act on that and start looking around for something else.  If nothing else comes of it immediately right now, you will at least know what's out there and what options may be available to you in order to make a move to a better place of employment.  I also think your plan to discuss things with your boss is a good one.  Maybe you guys can come to an understanding after all.

....

I'm really sorry that you're going through a rough patch, my friend.  I really am.  But it sounds like you have a good perspective about it, and the love and support of your family, which is the most important thing.  I hope that the rest of it improves quickly.

Honestly I think sometimes you just have to take some time, breathe, let yourself feel kicked in the nuts and then move on from there.

They, of course, have their reasons but other circumstances surrounding the situation that I can't really go into make this decision unacceptable to me in the long term. I honestly don't think they're doing this to be malicious, and it's a complicated situation, but I also can't just shrug this off. As Rick said, I'm not quitting and storming out, but I am writing a new resume this weekend and starting to put out applications. Given the nature of things I may still be there for another 6-8 months while I look in the background, assuming they don't let me go first - like I said, my gut says it's time to go based on everything I'm seeing.

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my gut says it's time to go based on everything I'm seeing.

Then definitely listen to it.  I've had situations in my life where I had a bad gut feeling that I didn't listen, only later to realize that I really should have.  But I've never had a situation where I listened to my gut and ended up regretting it.  I think starting a new job hunt is the exact thing to do here.  Also, you are so right that sometimes you just have to take the kick, take a moment to regroup and move on.  It sounds like you have a good plan for that.  Best of Luck!

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20 minutes ago, Mohawk said:

Then definitely listen to it.  I've had situations in my life where I had a bad gut feeling that I didn't listen, only later to realize that I really should have.  But I've never had a situation where I listened to my gut and ended up regretting it.  I think starting a new job hunt is the exact thing to do here.  Also, you are so right that sometimes you just have to take the kick, take a moment to regroup and move on.  It sounds like you have a good plan for that.  Best of Luck!

At my last job I saw the writing on the wall but I didn't start looking because I'd been there less than a year - I didn't want to leave and look flighty / like a job hopper. I was hoping I could make it a year there. They laid me off after 9 months. I take my lumps but I try not to take them twice.

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